


find me somewhere between my dreams

by torigates



Category: The OC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 12:13:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It would be easy to say that Ryan and Taylor went off to college and lived happily ever after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	find me somewhere between my dreams

 

 

 

  
It would be easy to say that Ryan and Taylor went off to college and lived happily ever after. Sometimes Taylor would say that to herself because it painted the kind of picture she wanted for herself: a steady boyfriend, a steady life.

It would be so easy for her to say those things because they were so often the kind of life she imagined for herself. She imagined leaving behind all the drama of a life in Newport, all the disappointment and regret surrounding her relationship with her mother, all the drama and scandals and the affairs and the marriage and the divorce. Taylor wanted desperately to leave all those details of her life behind before she left Newport. She wanted to leave all those details behind before she left Ryan. She wanted to leave that version of herself behind, and become a new, more put together, better version of herself.

She wanted those things. She didn’t get them.

(Later, much later, Ryan would tell her he loved all those things about her, every flaw, all the drama, all the affairs, they were what made her _her_ , and therefore what made her great. It would be a long time before she could ever really believe it.)

College was hard. Taylor should have known that better than anyone. She had gone half-way around the world to discover herself, and sure that was Paris and the Sorbonne, but what she quickly learned was that when it came down to it, college was college and it didn’t matter where you were.

She and Ryan fought a lot. Mostly, it was about stupid stuff that Taylor did, or her insecurities (but serious, who knew there were so hot girls into architects? Not Taylor Townsend that was for sure), but what it really came down to was that long distance relationships were hard. They were harder than either one of them were really expecting it to be, and what was worse was, they were hard even when you really loved the person. Taylor really, really loved Ryan, and most days she believed he loved her too. It was still hard. It was really hard when they couldn’t be there to share the big things in each other’s lives, but it was even harder when they missed the little things.

“I love you,” Ryan said, and Taylor knew he was going to end things with her. She felt a sense of calm come over her in a way that was very _not_ like her.

“I love you too,” she said. “But this isn’t working.” She wanted to be the one to say it out loud first. She wanted to be the one to make it real. It wasn’t working between them, and Taylor had known that for a long time, as much as she tried to ignore it or pretend ti wasn’t real.

“No,” Ryan said, breaking her heart. “It isn’t.”

She was glad they were talking on the phone. She wasn’t sure she could handle the sight of his face as he gently let her down.

“Is there anything we can do?” he asked. “Is there anything _I_ can do?”

Taylor shook her head, even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “I don’t think there is,” she said. “Do you?”

“No,” Ryan said, and she imagined the way he would run his hand through his hair, or over his face. She imagined what he looked like at that moment because she wanted to have an image of him. It might be the last time they ever spoke.

When they hung up the phone Taylor crawled into her bed and didn’t get out again for three days.

After that, things went on. Taylor moved on, and life moved on. Sometimes it was so hard, it felt like there was a Ryan Atwood shaped hole in her heart, and that there always would be. Some days she didn’t think about him too much. She never was sure which of those were the worse fate.

And yet, somehow life moved on. Taylor finished school, she got a job, she moved back to California. She got an apartment, and then another job, and another job. Her life was good, and she was happy. Some days, most days really, she didn’t think about the disaster she was in high school, and when she did think about it, it didn’t hurt so much. She could laugh about it.

One day, Summer called her. “Seth and I are getting married,” she said.

Taylor was happy for them. So happy. If any two people deserved to be together it was Seth and Summer. They had worked for their relationship, fought for it and earned it. Taylor very decidedly did not think about who the best man would be, or what she would say when she saw him again (she did, however, spend a lot of him stalking his facebook. Some habits died harder than others).

“Are you going to be okay with this?” Summer asked her.

Taylor thought about it. “Yes,” she said. “It’ll be good to see him again.” She found, perhaps surprisingly, that she meant it. She had spent so many years, and wasted so many tears trying to forget about Ryan. It was something that she had never quite managed. She couldn’t really bring herself to regret it now.

“Taylor,” Ryan said with a smile when he saw her. He held out his hand for her to shake.

She put her hands on her hips and stared at him, an amused grin on her face. “Ryan Atwood,” she said, and pulled him in for a hug. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

His arms were sure and steady on her back, and Taylor tried not to notice the faint smell of his aftershave. When he pulled back his fingers lingered on her arms, and perhaps it was melodramatic, but she felt a little bit like everything in her life had led her to this very minute, with this man standing in front of her.

“Good to see you,” she said.

“Yes,” Ryan said, ever eloquent.


End file.
